Book summary: Talk Less, Say More

Face-to-face communication abilities are declining in the twenty-first century, according to Connie Dieken.

To re-boot our interpersonal aptitude, she believes we need to adopt three important practices.

She explains how to utilize three concepts in her book Talk Less, Say More. That way, you re-engage in a world of short attention spans and encourage people to pay attention to you and your services.

If you stick with us for the next ten minutes, you'll discover how to talk less and accomplish more.

HABIT 1: CONNECT: Give People What They Want & Value, So They'll Tune In

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Dieken defines "connection" as the capacity to engage and control people's attention in today's hectic environment.

It's no longer sufficient to just make contact. To keep people's attention, we need to give them what they want and value. Otherwise, they'll tune us out.

Customers now have the upper hand. We're simply one of several TV stations, and they have the remote control. They have alternatives. Therefore we need to connect wisely if we want to be Must-See TV.

Combine this with the reality that we've evolved into a civilization of shortcuts. We need to persuade them quickly before their attention spans dwindle. How are we going to do this? Dieken recommends the following strategies:

Tactic #1: Communication is made more effective when we focus on the needs of those who are listening to us.

To pique other people's interests, we must control our own attention. Are we unintentionally coming out as self-absorbed, preoccupied, or hurried, and as a result, missing out on opportunities?

If that's the case, it's time to shift your emphasis. Dieken suggests that we attempt the following:

• Respect one another.
• Don't try to get ahead of yourself. Allow them to digest for a while.
• Instead of aiming for the head, go for the heart. First and foremost, pay attention to people's emotions.
• Don't be a wanderer. Keep your focus on the topic.
• Concentrate on people rather than electronics. Put your Blackberry and iPhone aside.
• Keep an eye out for eye movement. If people's brows furrow or their eyes flicker uncomfortably, it's apparent that we've struck a chord.
• Keep an eye on their mouths. Lips are one of the most emotionally charged regions of the body. Unspoken displeasure or disagreement is frequently shown by drooping or pursed lips.

Tactic #2: Listen for Intent: What people say isn't always what they mean.

Focusing on the exact terms that people say may be problematic because their intentions transcend their words. The passion underlying the words is more significant.

To comprehend what they truly meant, we need to listen carefully. How? Dieken's advice is as follows:

• Keep an ear out for repetition. It's usually the most important topic that comes up again and again.
• Keep an eye out for emphasis. This might help you figure out what your priorities are and what you can do quickly.
• "Let me check if I've got this right," you might remark to ensure clarity and win respect. "Are you implying...?"
• Meetings should not be hijacked. The worries of a single person might irritate everyone else in the group at times.

Tactic #3: Code Red should be avoided at all costs. Many of us create our own personal Code Red circumstances that hinder us from connecting properly during crucial interactions.

When we respond improperly to remarks or evaluations, we are just thinking about ourselves and what we are going through.

The remedy to losing control, according to Dieken, is to focus externally on our audience rather than internally on our own wants and idiosyncrasies.

Follow the rule of inverse proportions, we're told.

The more vexing the question, the more measured our response should be. Self-correct. If we make a mistake, we should admit it and fix it as soon as possible.

Make adjustments in the middle of your journey. We must remain adaptable and adjust when we detect signs that our audience is unhappy or tuning out.

Don't get caught up in the game of "I have the floor." The aim is to start a conversation, not give a lecture that others could misinterpret as a rant.

HABIT 2: CONVEY: Use Portion Control to Get Our Points Across with Clarity, not Confusion.

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Let's take a look at the situation. Our inbox is clogged, our desk is jammed, and our minds are clogged as well.

To digest and comprehend everything, we need shortcuts. To assist cut through other people's information overload, we should organize our outgoing communications in the same way we handle our incoming communications.

The key, according to Dieken, is portion control.

Portion control is a more efficient means of communicating messages because it pushes us to handle information properly so that others can do the same.

Dieken provides us with valuable strategies once again.

Tactic #1: Use the Dominant Sense. The most important sense in humans is vision.

Visuals are processed 10 times faster than words in our brains. We achieve more immediate results each time we show rather than explain.

We decrease the danger that the receiver may misinterpret, misconstrue, or miss our message.

According to Dieken, we should try the following:

• Make a contrast before and after comparisons in simple graphs.
• We can use contrast to show growth or market domination or to exploit a competitor's vulnerability.
• Consider a different approach to PowerPoint. Excessive text should be avoided. Excessive use of jazzy visuals should be avoided. Even the designers of PowerPoint, Robert Gaskins, and Dennis Austin, believe that PowerPoint may disguise weak material. Instead of hiding behind PowerPoint, use it to communicate.

Tactic #2: Use Social Media.

The appeal of social media sites, according to Dieken, is both evident and subtle.

People may rapidly consent to be contacted by us in the opt-in world. However, if we irritate them or fail to appeal to them, they will swiftly abandon us. So, how can we solve this problem?

Post basic, straightforward ideas. It is our responsibility to communicate the substance of our message rather than all we know.

It's there for all time after it's been uploaded. Before publishing your material indefinitely, have someone else review it. Avoid using business jargon or industrial jargon. Be yourself, not a corporation.

Tactic #3: Talk in Triplets.

According to Dieken, we should arrange our communications in threes to save time and effort in helping others grasp them.

We probably don't notice triplets since they are so embedded in our daily lives, yet it seems natural. Do you need any examples?

• 3R's
• 3 strikes
• Three Musketeers
• Mineral, Vegetable, and Animal

When structuring our triplets, Dieken recommends putting the chosen option first. It establishes a norm and generates a difficult benchmark.

HABIT 3: CONVINCE: Create Commitment to Influence Decisions, Actions, and Results.

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A real leadership talent that generates exceptional results is the capacity to favorably and rapidly influence people. It's much more crucial today because time is of the essence.

According to Dieken, persuasion does not imply manipulation or arm-twisting.

The distinction is in the intention. Manipulators are preoccupied with their own wants. To obtain what they want, they bully, lie, or ignore the truth.

Convincing isn't a lightning bolt. This isn't a one-off incident. It's a gradual process that aims to alter people's thoughts and motivate them to take action.

According to Dieken, if we can cleverly persuade others, we can increase our capacity to sell ideas, products, services, or ourselves. Through the acts of others, we will improve our ability to get things done.

Tactic #1: Sound decisive.

We'll be viewed as a wimp if we sound like one. Weaker language deprives us of authority and limits our capacity to persuade others.

One of the most significant indicators of our authority and influence is our ability to convey choices. We capitalize on chances and overcome hurdles when we sound decisive.

People will respond to us and our contributions with confidence if we communicate confidently.

Tactic #2: Stop Tagging and hedging.

You may transform a brief question into a question by adding a quick question at the end of a perfectly excellent declaration.

"Isn't that correct?"

Okay? If we can't commit, why should anybody else?

To avoid commitment, hedging involves beginning a phrase with weak words. "I'm not a professional, but..." "I have a feeling..."

Hedging gives the impression that we are unsure of our own words. We're cloaking ourselves in words and allowing ourselves to escape.

Tactic #3: Contribute to meetings.

Do you have a habit of being silent during meetings, especially when your superiors are present? According to Dieken, prolonged silence stemming from a lack of confidence erodes our trust. So, what does she recommend?

Make use of pre-planned spontaneity. If we are nervous or apprehensive in unfamiliar circumstances, we should plan ahead of time. We should look through the plan and see where we can assist. Planned spontaneity, when done well, sounds as though you just made it up and wins brownie points.

Be straightforward. When making requests or instructing others what to do, we should avoid seeming unclear. Others may assume that instructions are insignificant and may be ignored as a result of the indirectness.

Don't go unnoticed. We need to trust our instincts, quit second-guessing ourselves, and get back into the game. In your voice, be aggressive rather than submissive.

Tactic #4: Create commitment, not compliance.

According to Dieken, transferring ownership allows us to hand up control of our ideas and decisions to others, who will embrace and act on them.

People should feel as if they are contributing rather than succumbing. Transferring ownership boosts employee morale, productivity, and sales. It also fosters loyalty to you as the leader.

The most convincing argument is self-discovery. When individuals believe they made a decision on their own, it has a strong effect.

As a result, if we delegate our ideas and findings to others so that they may own them, we are more likely to achieve favorable outcomes. Where do we begin?

Make use of peer pressure. Obtain commitment from key decision-makers. Look for persons and stakeholders in our company who have a habit of influencing others.

Make use of persons who are well-known and trustworthy. As Oprah Winfrey did in the early phases of Barack Obama's campaign, enlist the aid of notable, reliable individuals to stir the troops.

Use a different format. In meetings, we may accomplish this by speaking to everyone and then focusing on powerful people who will back us up and give their support.

Encourage them to take a stance. People are more inclined to stick to their guns when they openly declare their view.

In Conclusion

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Get a sense of what people desire and value.

To generate clarity, convey with portion control.

Persuade them to make a personal commitment and take action.

As a consequence, you'll be able to apply leadership as you've never seen before!

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